Okinoshima Dream

Why did you come to Oki?

One month into my life on this mind-blowingly beautiful but remote island and this question is soon in succession after the initial greeting. 

My simplified answer is: SAFETY. Oki is extremely safe and unfortunately, Trinidad is not. 

In my interview for this programme, the same question was asked of Japan (Why do you want to go to Japan?) and my answer was the same. I've grown up hearing about how long ago in Trinidad, people would leave their doors open and if you dropped something, a stranger would not steal it but hunt you down to return it. We were always told of how neighbours lived together in harmony and there was no violence. This coupled with religious teachings that things are getting worse worldwide because we are near the time of the end caused me to believed that extreme violence was a constant all over the world and peace was a thing of the past. It was, in a sense, the natural progression of things.  I accepted that I would have no share in this peace of long ago. 

I had never felt safe in my country. Not really. I felt safe enough. Safe enough to do this and that but the slightest out of place noise or movement and quickly, the gate would be locked, dogs untied, front door locked and someone would be peeping through some hidden space to see if a threat had entered our safe place.

 Survival instinct, even in our homes, is normal to us. We know that at anytime, anything can happen to anyone. We are always on guard. When I learned of how safe Japan is, I was in so much shock. I could not believe that there are actually places where the murder toll isn't covered in blood over lifeless bodies and plastered over the front page of the morning newspapers. This was a foreign concept to me. Even after learning of this, I caught myself still asking what is the yearly murder toll in my placement. There is none. Unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE! I've grown so accustomed to counting murders and being shocked only when someone finds a new way to murder another human being that now that there is nothing like that, my mind can't yet process. 

In Oki, people leave their doors open. People literally never lock their doors. They order packages and come home after work to find it in their homes because the delivery men are trusted to open your door and come in to deliver your item when you are not around. 

Running must be in the contract when applying for jobs because on numerous occasions I have seen workers running with abandon after customers who left something (probably valuable) unattended where it could be easily taken. I am clumsy and everytime I drop something, I feel very badly because someone is always on the mission to return it to me. 

Just today, a co-worker from the Board of Education (basically local Ministry of Education) came to the school that  I was teaching at to return my pencil case to me because I forgot it at another school. Did he have any other business at this school? No.  Would I be at the other school soon enough so I can get it? Yes. Yet, he just came to the school, took off his outside shoes, put on his indoor shoes and came into the staff room just to drop my pencil case. *cry emoji* And I have TWO! Who does that?

Oki's safety is in conflict with everything I know. I lived alone for three years prior to coming to Japan and often travelled home at night so I feel I've been in that fight or flight mode for a long time.

 Everyone tells me how safe it is, I know how safe it is but I am having a hard time allowing myself to live as a safe woman. 

 I am on the fourth floor of my building yet all my windows and doors are closed most times. The trees, which are always in my peripheral, are dense and instead of looking at them with awe, I find myself being suspicious of them. What is hiding in the bushes? Dangerous animals? Gun carrying men?

I don't want to get rid of this instinct because it has served me very well but sometimes I wish that I could turn it off. My fear is causing me to miss out on opportunities for exploration and giving me anxiety which keeps me from living in the present.  I want to revel in probably the safest place I'll ever live. I get the opportunity to live in the past. To see how my country once was, according to my foreparents.  I can't allow fear to rob me of this opportunity. 

Right now I am in the honeymoon phase. Eveything is new and exciting. The positives of Oki are blowing my mind and my eyes are filled with the beauty that is all around me. I know that it won't be like this forever.  However, I already feel forever indebted to Oki. Oki has shown me that kindness, love and a gentler way of living is possible, IN 2018, NOT JUST IN THE PAST! 

I will forever love this island for showing me that another way is possible.