Late, Late Birthday Post: 1 Major, Super Important, Life-changing Lifehack I Learned at 24

Last year, I wrote 24 things I learned before 24 and I had high hopes of making this an annual tradition on my birthday. However, this did not materialize this year. Not because I did not start it and worked hard at it but because I don't think I Iearned 25 things last year. I mean, I'm sure I learned many things but one thing outshines them all.

I learned one major thing that has changed my life in more than 25 ways.

It hinges on some level with the 3rd gem on my 24 things I learned before 24 list :3. Knowing what helps you on days when you can't see the light is crucial.  

This life hack is amazing. Are you ready?

This is about to change your life. Here it comes:

NO EXPECTATIONS

Get it?

Reconditioning my mind to have expectations of myself but no expectations of anyone else has been the single most powerful change I've made in my 25th year and has lead to a more peaceful, wise and honestly, more grateful me.

I can't remember when it happenend.

Maybe one day when I was stressing and depressed over something that someone did or failed to do. Most likely, that person was important to me; like a close family member or very close friend. The inner dialogue may have gone something like this:

I don't understand. Why would they do this?I thought they loved me?I thought we were cool?I would never do this to them. Ever!How can they even do this?Maybe they really dislike me? Are they really who I think they are? Maybe we don't have the kind of relationship I thought we did.

As you can imagine, this kind of thinking that edges on obsessive is damaging for your mental health and of course, your mental health is closely tied to your physical health.

Do not do it. Give no one that power.


You give that power away everytime you assume that someone should do/ say something because of ....

My mother will not lie to be because she is my mother. My best friend will not gossip about me because she is my best friend.
My boyfriend will not flirt with other girls because he is my boyfriend.

All of these are expectations of others, that, once broken, you will find yourself curled up in a ball in darkness contemplating if life is really worth it.

Why not?

You should not expect anything of anyone because people are human and often disappoint. When we project our expectations onto anyone but ourselves then we are placing our happiness and peace of mind on shaky ground.

We are basically saying, “Here is my peace of mind. You now have the power to decide if I’ll be happy this week or be curled up in a ball crying with an overfried mind.”

Instead

Understand that everyone has an existence outside of your life. They have their own past, their own relationships, their own demons and their own reality, to be honest.

Empathize with them. Try to understand on some level why they may have made that decision or said that thing. Take yourself out of it. Do not take it personally.

What’s the purpose of it all then?

You will become more peaceful and more grateful. More peaceful because you are no longer feeling dangerous spurts of anger or falling into depression because of what someone else did. More grateful because now that you are expecting nothing, you feel extremely grateful when people treat you right.

When you have no expectations, you'll know the people who are deserving of your time because they will be the ones who make you feel the most amount of gratitude.

They return that love that you give out when you weren't even expecting them to.